"Perhaps we had better start from the beginning..."

It doesn't rear its ugly head until you enter the court house. 

While perusing through my hate posts you may have wondered, if you don't know me personally, how the hell did this custody/support case turn into this fucking mess? Technically it's simple, I have a dick but in reality it's a long story but one I'm willing to write out in multiple posts so other fathers can see and compare notes. Or maybe you're just interested in fathers getting fucked over in court. If you are you're probably one of the dick-choppers lurking about down center city Philadelphia or a mother who pulled one over the system for a quick, easy and consistent buck. I've yet to hear from other fathers who have been raked across the coal by court, I know they're out there. There are a handful of fathers I'm friends with who actually won their cases but the circumstances are much different. One guy lives in Bucks County and won. That's more than likely the reason (outside of being a good father and the mother being a scumbag). The judges in Bucks County are competent, unbiased and pretty much don't abuse their gavel. But again... location is key. And I suppose a lot of luck.

Whenever I see a friend post on Facebook or whatever social networking joint that he's about to step into this shit storm I call Dante's Inferno, I love to read through the comments. The majority of the commentators are usually women so I take their "good lucks" and "shooting prayers your way" with a grain of salt and the fact that they have no fucking clue what's it's like to witness this from our point of view makes me laugh. One of the worst comments I've seen was a woman who said; "A father who wants to be in their child's life  usually does well in the Philadelphia court system". She also wished him luck. How nice of her. First I laughed. Then I read it again and became enraged. Fucking enraged. It pisses me off because that's what I've come to expect most mothers to spew out to a man who's about to get in the shit. It's smug, arrogant and condescending in a maybe-you-should-man-up kind of way and it drives me fucking wild. I see that type of response all the time. Odds are good her baby-daddy was a scumbag and that's her typed-out-face-smack aimed at him while speaking to someone else entirely.

Another bullshit comment? "Think positive. Everything will work out in your favor". Guess how many times I've heard that shit? Guess how times I've thought it? Fuck that. If that were the case we'd all be fucking millionaires, no? Thinking positive only cools your nerves before the court date, it does nothing else. So think positive for the sake of your sanity not because things will work out your way. "Keep your head up".  No.... that's what you could tell a father after he gets fucked over in court. Not before. The fact is when you leave the court, and you have just gotten fucked over, you can't keep your head up. It's as simple as that. It's too much. So... let's just drop that shit right now.

"Prayers coming", "Prayers sent", "Sending prayers your way" etc... *FACEPALM*  This one fucking... irks the shit out of me. I've seen a person comment on a custody matter, a guy, he said; "Put it in God's hands". I don't even know how to break that down and say how fucking stupid it is rather than just say; "Shut the fuck up" or "You're fucking stupid" or "Take that shit and GTFO". Seriously I don't know how any  logical or reasonable person can say anything that ridiculous. It's rubbish. It isn't even a gesture of good will or whatever you want to label it. It's fucking stupid. Not to mention... even if I were a believer, custody certainly isn't something I want in his fucking hands. That's for sure!

These are all things I've not only seen but have witnessed firsthand. I've been told these things. I've thought them, except the prayers nonsense. So when, in late 2011, when my children's mother decided she wanted to hand the kids over to me, without any fight, I remember thinking positive. I remember being excited. I remember thinking all kinds of positive things about the future. How different the kids living with me and my wife would be. Their lives would change dramatically. At that point in time my daughter was closer to her mother and grandmother. Not surprising, they lived with their mother at their grandmother's house. To be honest, they didn't want to move in with me initially but then again they didn't really have a choice in the matter. Their mother had her problems and she admitted she couldn't do it. At that time, my positive thinking made me think it was the most admirable things she had ever done up to that point in her life. We (my family) all did. I was in a bit of a shock. I was fully expecting her to milk the child support for every cent until our daughter, younger than our son by four years, turned eighteen. That's what I was expecting. So at that point my daughter and I had a nice relationship. My daughter got along with my wife really well too, still does. My son was on the teen-rise, as in his teen attitude was just kicking in. He was completely unsure of what he wanted, still is (in fact, these days he only wants what he's programmed to think he wants which isn't much of anything. Thanks Grandmother). He wanted both but didn't seem to want to betray either of us. I knew he was going to choose his mother but we'd grow closer once he lived with us. We had a great relationship.

She was even nice enough to give me the paperwork to fill out. Turned out she actually printed out and gave me the wrong form but whatever. I told her, don't worry about it, I'll get the proper forms. She offered to pay. I said no. I'll pay the form fee (which is like $40, give or take). I wrote out our discussion and agreement on the form. Signed it. Mailed it. There was no need for her to sign it yet. The way it works is, in this case, the father would do it, me, who then mails it. The court processes it and sends her a copy. She signs it and returns it. Then a date for a hearing is set. Our hearing date was October 2012. We were to see a Master. You know... the court's fancy word for lawyer. Positive thinking. Good luck, Mike. Keep your head up. Kept my head up. She was receptive and talkative when we first met up in the lobby. Regular conversation about the kids, ideas about where they'll sleep until the third floor would be remodeled. They'd stay in the same school blah blah blah. Let's face it. I literally live five or six blocks away. Then it was our turn to go in.

She let out a sigh, as if her day and life was just inconvenienced; "No. They're not moving in with him. They don't want to live with him anyway." She sat there with her arms crossed and spit out that shit in the cockiest manner. On the outside I was calm... but on the inside... I was fuming and realized that this scumbag just played the shit out of me. I remember thinking all kinds of things. It's funny how in that situation the things that pop up in your head: Jack the Ripper. Playstation. Flyers. Ted Bundy. Comic books. Star Wars. Anything that may interest me to keep me from saying something to the "master" that I would certainly regret later. Yes ma'am. No ma'am. Fuck you ma'am. As I've said in other posts... I got the look after this event happened. The "you're a fucking dead beat" look. She may as well Rick Roll'd me. But why on Earth would Jack the Ripper or Ted Bundy pop into my head?? Two of the biggest pieces of shit ever. Well... it wasn't the last time they popped up in my head. That day was coming. At the end of the hearing we were given another date. A court date. For all the marbles. May 7th 2013. We were to see a judge this time.

This long story is To be continued for your sanity...