Prior to all of this bullshit I never really cared about men getting the shaft in court. Never thought about it. I had heard all of the stories about gender bias, men not getting a fair shake etc. All that shit. I really don't remember if I bought into it or not which I find funny and very strange considering my feelings about it now. I'm outspoken on the subject, I say how I feel and I don't give two fucks if anyone agrees with me or not. Straight to my point. Fuck pulling punches and sugar coating. I have facts to support my claims and it's all here on this website
(and all the paper work in a folder) that I've decided to share with whoever is willing to care or read. Or laugh. I'm sure there are those people out there. Then there's shit like this particular day I'm about to write about.
We've all had bad days. Every single one of us. Being drug to my grandmother's funeral when I was 10. Sitting at the hospital with my daughter after she accidentally got hit with a baseball bat by her brother in the face
(guess who wasn't watching her as she wondered too close to a baseball game being played, wasn't his fault). Getting jumped by five or six dudes in high school. Fist fighting a friend because of his infidelity with my sister and
*clears throat*. So yeah... just a few bad days in my life off the top of my head. Though... Nothing would have prepared me for this. Nothing. For me... my May 7 2013 court date for custody was easily the most horrible day of my life. I've never felt as much emptiness, helplessness and anger in all my life. I still feel it. Like it was yesterday. Thanks Judge... fucking dick-hating cunt.
That day changed me forever. How I feel. How I think. Things I do. It affected me in the worst possible way and I still feel the affects because of the path it carved for not only myself but for my son. I've always referred to it as
My Little Holocaust. It sums up everything in three words about how I've felt every day since. Not only was the outcome a complete mockery of everything a good parent stands for, the treatment I received from that judge was jaw droppingly
(It wasn't a word until I just made it one) disturbing. Her facial expressions, condescending attitude, laziness, her lack of readiness, tone, speech pattern, etc... It was absolutely unbelievable. I couldn't believe it. This woman literally stopped midway through this case, made us wait, so she can do paperwork for another case entirely! No lie. Believe it or not she literally did some of that paperwork while we were explaining our case (
to be fair, I say we because she did it to not only me but to them as well). Yeah I'm sure she heard everything.
Well, at least she heard everything grandma said. What a surprise.
I was there early. Earlier than my own lawyer. The clan didn't show up until closer to court time. My son was marched into the lobby first. Completely ignored me. I now felt how my wife had felt for such a long time. Thanks to them. He didn't even acknowledge my presence. Didn't even look my way. I was like a ghost. Dirty sneakers. Old jeans. A worn grey hoodie... with the hood up. Yeah, even at a time like this they won't dress him up or instruct him on manners. It's what he does.
Monkey see monkey do.
Then there was my daughter. In a nice dress. Presumably bought with my own money. She sat next to me. My son's mind was made up for him. He was absolutely forbidden to choose me but not only that, he had already told me he didn't want to live with me. Fine. There's nothing I can do to change his mind for grandma's brainwashing and manipulation machine had been in full swing for years.My daughter on the other hand wasn't so sure. She didn't want to hurt my feelings or her mother's. However... she was also scared of grandma. In normal families grandma's are supposed to be loved not feared. In the simplest terms she's a fucking bully. She's bullies children to use them for personal gain (money). It was showtime.
Just before entering the court room the children's mother didn't have an attorney. The grandmother had an attorney though and he looked very familiar. I knew I knew his face but I could place the name. He approached me and my lawyer. "
My client and I were interested in possibly striking a deal. Perhaps the children can live with you one week then with her the next week...". Again, not verbatim but close enough. My lawyer whispered to me; "
I think you should take it". I looked at grandma and then the familiar face; "
No. No fucking way. I'm here take my children away from this woman not negotiate with her". My lawyer told me he thought I made a mistake. I second guessed myself but told him; "
We're not bargaining for goods here, we're talking about my children". This is the only time I wouldn't take my lawyer's advice... unfortunately. I should have told him to take a fucking walk. Oh yeah... hindsight.
So in we went...
Again at the table when we took our seats my lawyer did the broken record routine; "
I think it was very foolish of you to pass on that". Without looking at him I said; "
Fuck her". Then the judge came in. My lawyer leaned over to me and sad; "
She's a fair judge. Tough but fair. She used to be a nun". The realization of my experience in the Pit and the Pendulum had just begun. I went to a catholic grade school. Throughout my time there I was fortunate enough to have had only one nun and I hated her fucking guts. As a matter of fact, I hated every nun in that school. I remember feeling a sudden sense of dread and doom fall over me but I
kept my head up. I
thought positive. I was absolutely convinced I would be leaving with both of my children.
She asked the mother if she wanted custody. Didn't give an answer. She asked her why she was there. Shrugged her shoulders. The judge was pissed; "
Do even know what you want?" She answered; "
Whatever makes the kids happy. As long as they're not at their dads". The judge stared at her for a long moment. It was the last time she looked at and spoke to the mother during this 2 hour romp through hell. Remember... at this point I was now a defendant because of grandma swooped in for the kill (read: money). I was initially the plaintiff suing for custody. Keep that in mind.
We plead our case about direction, consequence, manners, responsibility etc that we thought the kids should be getting but weren't with grandma and that they would in fact get it living with myself and my wife. So grandma brings up one of my punishments. She said; "
He took that boy's Xbox 360 away from him for a month because he got one F on his report card". No lie. That is, word for word, what she said. The judge, pushing her stupid ass glasses up her beak, gave me such a condescending look while squinting her eyes. I sat up straight as my blood pressure was already teetering my lifeline on edge, my lawyer still sitting there doing nothing, I said; "
First of all it was two months. Second of all he had five F's on his report card. Not one. What was I supposed to do? Congratulate him on straight F's? No. I did what any parent would do, I showed him consequences of bad grades. I grounded him from going out while over my house, which he stopped coming over, and not only that I took away his Xbox". The judge dismissed my punishment as petty and child like.
The judge then moved on to living arrangements and schooling. My lawyer spoke up. He basically explained to the judge that there are separate rooms in my house that are available for both children to sleep and live in immediately. He then went on that my house and grandma's house are literally six blocks away and that I had no plans on changing their schools. My son was in high school and daughter was in grade school. The judge turned to me I guess to get confirmation? I repeated what my lawyer said and even added; "I also would like to say I have no plans whatsoever to keep these children away from that side of the family. They could see them whenever they wish, sleep over, take them or pick them up from school etc". The judge ignored that. She was only listening to me repeat what she had already been told. Presumably, she was busy with another case on her desk which she abruptly stopped my case for.
In the interim that familiar faced lawyer of grandma's revealed his name to a clerk that was standing by. He said it and a light bulb flashed in my head. I leaned to my lawyer; "
I know him. He represented me exactly 10 years ago against my ex-wife for this very thing". My lawyer said; "Why didn't you say anything?" Well, I didn't recognize who he was until he said his name! Isn't that a conflict of interest?! I was speaking loud enough that he would hear me as well. My lawyer said; "I know him. He's a good guy. We work well together. It'll be noted on the record". Nothing ever came about it and that lawyer stayed on. Nobody cared except me. My lawyer already had my money, what was the difference if I fired him at that point anyway? Once the judge returned to our case to be inconvenienced we got on another topic that I brought up that was short lived because the judge didn't seem to care. My son was getting caught stealing for theft in different stores. One store caught him in the act.
My argument was that whenever anything happens of significance I'm never told by an adult, my daughter spills the beans. He had gotten caught stealing a candy bar in a nearby Rite-Aid. The manager caught him. The number he gave, naturally, was grandma's. Not sure how but she got him out of that. Probably because she's a good bullshit/con-artist. So I said to the judge, if he didn't face any consequence because of that there's no telling what his limits are, if at all, he has living under grandma's law. The judge brushed me off and asked for grandma's side of the story. What did she say? That she did tell me and that it was just a
"stupid $.80 candy bar anyway". The judge moved on. No lie. The judge fucking ignored the stealing like it was nothing. I'd love to see other cases he's worked on. Then grandma pulled out a piece of paper that she just printed out that morning.
So now her argument against me was that I badmouth my ex-wife for the world to see it and how horribly it affected my son. It was a comment I wrote on Facebook on a friend's page. Presumably, grandma's niece saw it and told her, who then showed it to my son, who remember, already hated my guts anyway. The person was asking for a good divorce lawyer. I commented; "
Go to so and so website. That's the one I used to divorce that scumbag ex of mine. I didn't even have to show up to court! He did all the work for $500". Grandma claimed that my son and daughter were so distraught over it that they cried their eyes out. Then the judge looked at me with a look on her face like Lexington Steele just shoved his foot long prick in her mouth; "
How do you live with yourself? No wonder why he wants nothing to do with you! How dare you. You should be ashamed of yourself. I think you need to reevaluate things and start being a better father. Maybe you should be involved in their life more rather than calling their mother names on the internet". Not exactly verbatim but very, very, very close.
My lawyer sat there shaking his head, agreeing with me writing on Facebook. He wrote a message on his stupid little notebook and pushed it in front of me: "You look very bad right now". I pushed it away. The judge just kept staring at me as my eyes burnt an invisible hole in her face. She said; "
Do you even have anything to say about that? Do you even deny it?" I knew all hope was gone and that it was almost over. The fact of the matter is, I had already lost. The judge had made up her mind. So I answered; "
For what it's worth, my son and daughter would have never seen what I wrote if the adults sitting over there didn't show them. That said, I did write it and if given the chance I'd write it again. And I'm not apologize for it". Like she just bit into a lemon the judge said; "Unbelievable".
Now it was time for her to speak with the children. Obviously both children, under immense pressure from not only this woman who was a called a judge but also grandma. My son went in first. He was in and out. He dogged me and the judge bought into it. My daughter didn't dog me but wasn't sure where she wanted to live so she just said grandma. The judge bought into that part. However... it needs to be noted that before my daughter spoke with the judge, her grandmother was allowed to walk her to the bathroom. Not because she asked but because grandma was allowed to leave the court room and bring her to the bathroom. And just like that, that is how I believe she bullied my daughter into submission. And the piece of shit judge allowed it. She knew it. And didn't give two fucks.
For a moment after the judge spoke to both of my children there was a spark of hope. Between grandma, my son and my daughter, all three gave conflicting reports about how and where the mother was living and why she left. Grandma told the judge that she didn't get along with the boyfriend so she slept at boyfriend's house sporadically. My son said that his mother, during an argument got up and left and moved into boyfriend's house. My daughter told the judge that grandma told her to get out. The judge started reaming grandma and mommy about it but not for long. Then she turned her focus back on me. The father who needs to do a better job.
My heart broke when she started reading the custody order. I don't even remember the initial order but she asked me something, I don't remember what exactly, I was way too upset to comprehend and/or hear her. I interrupted her; "
How do you think I feel? How should I react to this? It's absurd. I think if my children live there any longer", she tried talking over me but it didn't work, I kept on talking louder and louder; "they're going to be in a very bad place in life! They won't amount to anything because of HER. She's destroying their lives. That's what I think". The judge, with her stupid fucking frown said; "I don't care what you think. We'll play the name game some other day". BANG. Court was dismissed. And no... not once did my lawyer stand up for me as she fucked me because I have a dick. My lawyer tried to console me because he said; "Well we didn't lose. We have to come back in October. It's just an interim custody order, Mike". I didn't lose?? I'm leaving court without my fucking kids. I didn't lose. Fucking jackoff. In the waiting area as we waited for printouts of the court order. My son walked past me as if I was a stranger. My ex-wife pulled my daughter away from me as she cried.
Remember back on another post (
last paragraph)... about the first thing I thought. Jack the Ripper. Ted Bundy. My wife. My youngest child. True crime books. Jack the Ripper. Dennis Rader. Gary Ridgway.
I sat there signing my paperwork as grandma was fucking gloating. My lawyer was speaking to me but I didn't hear anything he said. I didn't hear anything anyone was saying. I just stared into a void and thought about serial killers I've read about and the switch that perhaps flicked on when they decided to go on a rampage. Not that I would kill them or anyone else but I just imagined her in one of the crime scene photos I've looked at while reading about these madmen. It's the best example of wishing the absolute worst on someone. I'll never forget that feeling. For the next six months I felt completely lifeless. Hopeless. Angry.
Extreme anger. I wanted to smash somebody's face in with a crowbar. I had just witnessed what it was like to be fucked over by a dick hating judge and perjuring grandmother who exploits grandchildren for money. The judge ripped me to shreds because of her hidden agenda. Discrimination at its finest.
